tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Thank you Rhi, you're very kind and it's appreciated. & Tiff...Hi twin! It's so ridiculous though 'cause like...Vicky and I did these symptom lists for emotional and physical symptoms and you know she has fibro but I only got four points left than her but when my mom looked at them earlier she was like I'd have given you more points for this and that and blahblah so now idk what to think basically...But it was pathetic. When Vicky and I were adding up our totals I tried to do mine in my head, 'cause I used to be quite sharp at math but in the end I just couldn't even add it up, I can't focus on things like that or finding words. I can't read anymore, and I can't draw...I'm heartbroken that I can't draw anymore, that was like my release. But I'll just add it to the huge list of things I can no longer do anymore...Eurgh. I feel so discouraged. I can't even be bothered to fight the doctors as it is, but I know I need to. Plus I wanna get into therapy again and am in desperate need of CBT but it just scares me cause I know what I need to talk about and I know it's gonna be torture reliving it...Idk. I'm just real down the last couple weeks and now I'm just getting scared I think & I love you too Tiff! Plus I'm scared by the fact that dad went for a hospital scanyesterday and no one will tell me why...It wasn't one of his usual scans either, 'cause we're always told about those. But for this one mom insisted she go with him and he came back a changed man and so out of character basically...Arghh. Want to scream where is the thing where you look at the point of mental and physical pain? i wanna have a look. mmm i looked at thesymptoms for ME and my mum was like "yes...yes..yes that sounds like you" i know you're scared sweetheart but you know you have us right? seriously when did you wanna go and talk to someone cause i'l come with if you want? and yeah i started CBT&talking to a psych person and it reduced me to tears so many times and it scares the hell outa me.... *huggs!* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Thanks everyone :) And chesme it sounds like your the one who needs to rant. I'm not going to try and say I know what it's like, I don't but I will always try and help as much as possible just by being there for you for a chat. You are such an amazing person and you don't deserve this to have happened to you. I know maybe it seems like things will never be different but you have to have hope that things will get better. And as for you not being strong enough, you are definitely a million times stronger than you think and I'm sure anyone would agree with me. You can deal with anything that comes your way and after it's over you will be a stronger person because of it. You can also do anything you want to. I love you chesme you can talk to me any time you want to ever ever I'm always here if you want me. xxxxx Poppy that was so sweet, but when I sign on MSN I'm still going to help you because it makes me feel good and it's about all I can do these days. I like helping people anyway. You're such a sweet girl and things will get better for you soon I promise, there's always a way. Stronger than I think...Well, I wish, but see I kinda crumble basically. But thanks, what you said was extremely touching and means more than you know. I love you too! Tiff I'm not sure of the link since Vicky sent it to me and she printed the lists of when we were in London so you'll have to badger her for that but it is very eye opening...I think tbf though I need to re live my experiences and be reduced to tears to get through them but there's a few I'd rather not(You know what I mean-that big long letter thing I once sent you, rememner?) but they're the stem of most of them so I NEED to. It's too far for you to come with me silly...But the offer itself means a lot. *cuddles* I love this board actually. Wow Rhi @ your pressies! You're gonna have a blast at all those gigs but you so deserve it! Edited October 24, 2009 by _Chelsea_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayray_x Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Aw, Chesme! *squeeze* Go to the doctors and tell them all this, they'll be able to help, it's not unheard of. You'll feel better (if not physically, mentally at least). If not, go for us! We all love you loads, and don't want to hear of you being in pain. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Rachhhh! You're sweet. Man I feel loved right now. You guys are seriously great...I will go to the doctor, I have to go Monday anyway for a prescription refill but I'm gonna book a double appointment after that and have my mom with me so she can be my strength basically if I can't find the words. But I've already seen 9 doctors and they all agree with each other...So hopefully when I say it's been 8 months and I'm no better they'll change their mind and be a little more open Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixie_tinks Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Awwww Poppy! I'm gonna come on MSN soon so you can rant to me and I can try to help you okay? But you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, I have full faith in you and always will. & Talie idk what to say, basically I know I'm young but I was once in an abusive relationship so I kinda know what it's like and all I'm saying is you're a sweet beautiful girl who's worth so much more than being treated like that! Sending some hugs and happy thoughts your way. So like...Earlier I spoke to mom about the possibility...Well, almost the certainty that the pain disorder I have is actually there and not in my head. Affter reducing me to tears she's FINALLY (after 8 long months) given me her blessing to go for all the tests I want. Thing is though I'm scared...Real scared. I don't know what I'm going to hear. I just know after going to Camden that something is very wrong. And only after 8 months of intense pain and feeling constantly exhausted did she bother to tell me that ME kinda runs in the family and that my aunt had it for 7 years when she was my age...Thanks for keeping that one secret mom. I feel so guilty too, my sister and nephew came around today, and my sister came upstairs to say hi to me but I was too incoherant to say anything back and was desperately trying to think of words but my mind wasn't working at all so I don't want her to think I'm mad at her...And then mom brought my nephew up so I could say by to him but I didn't have have the strength to give him a cuddle or a kiss and was far too scared to hold him 'cause I feel so disoriented. I feel like such a failure. I didn't even get out of bed til 2pm and was back in bed at 3 and basically have been drifting in and out of sleep since then. This was not what I had in mind for my glory days...I seriously can't even believe this is my life. I'm totally not strong enough to deal with it right now. It's far too terrifying just feeling all this pain for an unknown reason and not even being able to walk upstairs without getting tired. Hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it. Would actually so love to know what I ever did wrong in this life or a past one to deserve what I've gotten in the last few years, because I must deserve it for something. I fail You certainly don't fail missy, I only met you very briefly last week and you're an absolute angel... so please don't think bad of yourself. I know how you feel about the abusive relationship... its s***ty and its the emotional stress it causes much after the physical side goes that makes it all the worse... nobody deserves that in their life and that goes for you too Talie (hi by the way... we've never spoken but I couldnt not reply... hope you dont mind) Every single one of you girls on here seem like little treasures and I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world... I've asked myself the same question about what i've done wrong in the past/present life to get what i've had in the last 6 years but I can assure you missy you certainly don't deserve a bad time... life is sent to try you... you just have to give it a boot up the ass and let it know you're still in control. As for being poorly... I hope that they manage to help you out... and fingers crossed you start to feel better soon sweets... If you ever wanna chat just give me a shout and I'll be there for you... and thats anyone too... Mega hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popstar!! Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Aww bless ya chessle :) You really have no idea how strong you are, I dont know the details or what its like for you but from what you have told me it is horrendous and most people including me would have just given up on life tbh. But your such an amazing lovely person you sill try and do all the things you want to, like your college stuff and going to london and these cons and everything trust me it shows brilliant strength you are determined and you have to continue to be :) And even while you are having the worst time you always want to help other people its amazing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Awwww Poppy! I'm gonna come on MSN soon so you can rant to me and I can try to help you okay? But you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, I have full faith in you and always will. & Talie idk what to say, basically I know I'm young but I was once in an abusive relationship so I kinda know what it's like and all I'm saying is you're a sweet beautiful girl who's worth so much more than being treated like that! Sending some hugs and happy thoughts your way. So like...Earlier I spoke to mom about the possibility...Well, almost the certainty that the pain disorder I have is actually there and not in my head. Affter reducing me to tears she's FINALLY (after 8 long months) given me her blessing to go for all the tests I want. Thing is though I'm scared...Real scared. I don't know what I'm going to hear. I just know after going to Camden that something is very wrong. And only after 8 months of intense pain and feeling constantly exhausted did she bother to tell me that ME kinda runs in the family and that my aunt had it for 7 years when she was my age...Thanks for keeping that one secret mom. I feel so guilty too, my sister and nephew came around today, and my sister came upstairs to say hi to me but I was too incoherant to say anything back and was desperately trying to think of words but my mind wasn't working at all so I don't want her to think I'm mad at her...And then mom brought my nephew up so I could say by to him but I didn't have have the strength to give him a cuddle or a kiss and was far too scared to hold him 'cause I feel so disoriented. I feel like such a failure. I didn't even get out of bed til 2pm and was back in bed at 3 and basically have been drifting in and out of sleep since then. This was not what I had in mind for my glory days...I seriously can't even believe this is my life. I'm totally not strong enough to deal with it right now. It's far too terrifying just feeling all this pain for an unknown reason and not even being able to walk upstairs without getting tired. Hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it. Would actually so love to know what I ever did wrong in this life or a past one to deserve what I've gotten in the last few years, because I must deserve it for something. I fail You certainly don't fail missy, I only met you very briefly last week and you're an absolute angel... so please don't think bad of yourself. I know how you feel about the abusive relationship... its s***ty and its the emotional stress it causes much after the physical side goes that makes it all the worse... nobody deserves that in their life and that goes for you too Talie (hi by the way... we've never spoken but I couldnt not reply... hope you dont mind) Every single one of you girls on here seem like little treasures and I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world... I've asked myself the same question about what i've done wrong in the past/present life to get what i've had in the last 6 years but I can assure you missy you certainly don't deserve a bad time... life is sent to try you... you just have to give it a boot up the ass and let it know you're still in control. As for being poorly... I hope that they manage to help you out... and fingers crossed you start to feel better soon sweets... If you ever wanna chat just give me a shout and I'll be there for you... and thats anyone too... Mega hugs xxx and this is why she's my big sister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Donna! *clings* You're so sweet. Can I just go get you, put you in my pocket and keep you in a box beside my bed? Please? We can talk about Nikki Reed all day and stuff! It was so good to meet you, and am very sorry it was so brief! But I'll deffo talk to you properly @ ET3! Much love and hugs to you! Haha awww bless you and Tiff being sisters! That's so cute And Poppy! You're just...you have me lost for words. But I'm incredibly thankful to you. Coming on MSN now! <3 Edited October 24, 2009 by _Chelsea_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonsanddaffodils Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh Chesme! I forgot to say. when you go to the doctors, sometimes the first decision is useless They took ages to diagnose my nephew with aspergers, years in fact! persevere! you will get help then. and absolutely, cant wait for all the gigs You are sweet for saying I deserve it though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Chelseeaa! get your bum on MSN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh I will...I'll pester as much as I can at least. And you do Rhi! You work so hard all the time that you deserve as much time for yourself as you can possibly get, and I know you love your music so that's an awesome way to spend time for you! Chelseeaa! get your bum on MSN! I'm on MSN xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh I will...I'll pester as much as I can at least. And you do Rhi! You work so hard all the time that you deserve as much time for yourself as you can possibly get, and I know you love your music so that's an awesome way to spend time for you! Chelseeaa! get your bum on MSN! I'm on MSN xD you're not on mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I'm not showing up on my Chesme account? D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixie_tinks Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Donna! *clings* You're so sweet. Can I just go get you, put you in my pocket and keep you in a box beside my bed? Please? We can talk about Nikki Reed all day and stuff! It was so good to meet you, and am very sorry it was so brief! But I'll deffo talk to you properly @ ET3! Much love and hugs to you! Haha awww bless you and Tiff being sisters! That's so cute And Poppy! You're just...you have me lost for words. But I'm incredibly thankful to you. Coming on MSN now! <3 I'm certainly small enough to be kept in a box... And yes! Talking about Nikki Reed rocks... if her and Jackson are there.... i'll die... I swear... i'll be dead before I can even get me photos done But seriously missy... i'll be taking you under my wing too along with Tiff... there's plenty of room for another one... all you have to do is give me a shout x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popstar!! Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Donna! *clings* You're so sweet. Can I just go get you, put you in my pocket and keep you in a box beside my bed? Please? We can talk about Nikki Reed all day and stuff! It was so good to meet you, and am very sorry it was so brief! But I'll deffo talk to you properly @ ET3! Much love and hugs to you! Haha awww bless you and Tiff being sisters! That's so cute And Poppy! You're just...you have me lost for words. But I'm incredibly thankful to you. Coming on MSN now! <3 I'm certainly small enough to be kept in a box... And yes! Talking about Nikki Reed rocks... if her and Jackson are there.... i'll die... I swear... i'll be dead before I can even get me photos done But seriously missy... i'll be taking you under my wing too along with Tiff... there's plenty of room for another one... all you have to do is give me a shout x I seriously LOVE how sweet everyone on here is. I am so happy that everyone here can be so helpful and so sweet and no one judges each other i am so so so looking forward to meeting all of you I can safely say you are the sweetest people I know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 ooh I dunno if i have your chesme one on MSN :/ I emailed you anyway :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talie Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I WANT MSNS lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpepper4 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 tiffanypepper(at)hotmail.co.uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Chelsea_ Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I did add you on it and I'm sure you've been online on it before...Mehhh will sort it out properly some other time. And Donna you really are such a sweetheart, but be warned - I'm very motherly and will take you under my wing also, it works two ways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pixie_tinks Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I did add you on it and I'm sure you've been online on it before...Mehhh will sort it out properly some other time. And Donna you really are such a sweetheart, but be warned - I'm very motherly and will take you under my wing also, it works two ways Thats cool... I think I can handle that *SQUEEZEEEEEEE* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiZcheef Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 BLimey.... Everyone seems down don't they? Talie... I'm sorry someone's treating you like that. No one has the right to, least of all someone who's suposed to love ya. Get rid chicken, it sounds like its on the borders of becoming dangerous and no one on here would want that for you I'm sure.... *big hugs* Hope it gets better soon. Poppy, don't let anyone talk down to you. You have the right to try for any college you want too. I got told I wouldn't get in the college I went to either but I did so so can you. You can get it if you want it so fight for it. Chesme... Mom... *Big Hugs* I so hope you get someone decent to have a look at you and try to sort you out real soon. A decent consultant though and don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion... You're perfectly entitled to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popstar!! Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks a lot You are also very very sweet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverbella Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Wow I haven't used MSN for like 4 years haha! Sad times guys I have just realised I have lost my Chaske autograph =[[ I had it when I got home so hopefully its around here somewhere, the only bad thing is that I went for lunch with my mum yesterday and took them to show her and I'm wondering whether I left it in there booo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonsanddaffodils Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh noooooo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popstar!! Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh goodness becky I hope you find it. Fingers crossed for you :) Im off to bed after finding out some rather crap news im tired out from thinking. Night night my lovelys. Thanks everyone :) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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