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Kryten from Justice, his defence of Rimmer:


"This man is guilty only of being Arnold J Rimmer. That is his crime, that is his punishment."

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Not necessarily a quote from the show but I remember seeing the cast on (American?) TV when they did a Q+A panel and an young American girl in the audience got up and asked, "What's smeg?".


What happened after that? And is it on YouTube somewhere?

Does no one here know what I'm on about then? I thought it was a famous occurence in RD fandom?


All I saw was that the actors creased up laughing (and I think Craig fell off his chair). I haven't seen anything more than that.

The clip that i saw ( which may be on one of the dvds but im not sure which one) they kind of got of the stage really quickly and hid behind it. I know that ive seen something like that and im sure it was on one of the reddwarf dvds....:headscratch:


hey yes i have seen the clip and it is on youtube if i find it again i will post the link but what i remember they quickely get on the foor crawl fo stage hde behind then when they come back they say that th one question we cant answer sorry and then say next question. as far as i remember. sorry

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A contemporary offering:


Cat: And then this huge testicle grabs me by the throat




Lister: What are these things?

Kryten: They're Digital Versatile Discs, sir. DVDs for short. They were very popular in the early part of the 21st century before they died out and were replaced with what we use now.

Lister: Oh, you mean videos?

Kryten: Precisely. Back then no one knew that the human race were utterly incapable of putting the DVDs back in their cases. Case in point: over 2 trillion went missing in just over 20 years. Videos are just too big to lose.




"Listening to music?"


"No, why?"




"Science fiction, Its all a load of bollocks really!"


or, some classic RD


“Now call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard, and we hit it fast, with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign.â€




“That was an important speech, sir, and it needed to be made. Might I suggest, however, that the rest of this discourse is continued by those with brains larger than a grape?â€




An IQ of 6? Do me a lemon! That's a poor IQ for a glass of water!



Phew, I need a rest now!

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One favourite?...too many...not possible!



First some from one of my favourite epsiodes - Rimmerworld


Rimmer: I'm a competitive man, Kryten. Always have been. That's what makes me what I am.

Kryten: We're all perfectly well aware of what you are, sir.



Cat: All in all a hundred per cent successful trip.

Kryten: Sir, we lost Mr. Rimmer.

Cat: All in all, a hundred per cent successful trip.



Kryten: Well we could try to bring you down with a round from a laser cannon, sir.

Cat: Form an orderly queue behind the gun-sight



Lister: There's gotta be a way out. There hasn't been a prison built that could hold Derek Custer. Why don't we scrape away this mortar here, slide one of these bricks out, then using rope weaved from strands of this hessian, we can create a pulley system, so that when a guard comes in over the tripwire, he gets laid out and we put Rimmer in the guard's uniform, he leads us out, we steal some swords and fight our way back to the Bug.

Kryten: Or we could use the teleporter.....





Quite like this from Holoship

Cat: Why don't we drop the defensive shields?

Kryten: A superlative suggestion, sir. With just two minor flaws. One, we don't have any defensive shields. And two, we don't have any defensive shields. Now I realise that technically speaking that's only one flaw but I thought that it was such a big one that it was worth mentioning twice



Can't recall the episode but I think it was pre Starbug as I remember it being one of the early bunk scenes.

Rimmer: I used to be in the Samaritans.

Lister: I know for a morning.

Rimmer: I couldn't take any more.

Lister: You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number. He only phoned up for the cricket scores!




Just as much for the expression on his face in Back to Reality as the quote

Cat: No, no! I don't want to be Duane Dibbley!




and finally Quarantine

Kryten: If you still want to be alive when there's only 78 more days to go, I suggest you do not blow your nose.

Lister: Do you mind if I ask why?

Kryten: Well, let's forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound and go straight to the really gross part where you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose, have to open up the handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?





Think I may have to watch them all again! Bummer :poki:

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Another one was rimmers dodecahedron speach... (its too long for me to remember or even type out lol.)


Here is it, in all it's glory.


Just thinking. Assuming of course we're not dealing with five-dimensional objects in a basic Euclidean geometric universe and given the essential premise that all geo-mathematics is based on the hideously limiting notion that one plus one equals two, and not as Astemeyer correctly postulates that one and two are in fact the same thing observed from different precepts, the theoretical shape described by Siddus must therefore be a poly-dri-doc-deca-wee-hedron-a-hexa-sexa-hedro-adicon-a-di-bi-dolly-he-deca-dodron. Everything else is poppycock. Isn't that so?



Don't forget the sniff/ snort noise he makes with his nose half way through!

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I'd forgotten about the sniff/snort noise!


Anyway, here's another one from Holoship that I really like. Actually, it's not so much the quote as the look on Lister and Cat's faces at the end.


Kryten to Rimmer: Sir, I beg you to reconsider. If not for your sanity, you haven't even considered the moral implications of your decision. You will be joining a society where you will be compelled to have sex with beautiful, brilliant women twice daily, on demand. Now, am I really the only one here who finds that just a little bit tacky? Well, quite clearly I am!

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