Jezebel

Thanks everyone - you're all lovely!!!! Ta for the V & JD pics Vampy!!!! Phwoarrr!!! I had flowers sent to me at work today - it's got some of those things that look like a big shiny red plastic leaf with a little willy sticking up in the middle. Hmmmm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!! (All the best people are born on the 10th June!!!) Jez xxx

Yes I saw it - it had to be LFACC because I saw our very own Mr David Simons and I recognised the crew shirt!!! I didn't recognise anybody else though, although I did think 'Is that Ptenbob' but decided nah - it wasn't.

Yay!!! Congratulations to you both!! Ooh!!! It's all sooooo romantic!!! Love and big hugs to you both Jez XX "Wedding?!! I love weddings!! Drinks all round..."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY hunny. You have a great time tonight!! Love Jez xx

Yeah - I'd have liked to see you give him a bug bye too - then I might know what one was!!!! I don't regret not seeing anybody, but I really do wish I'd bought me a Living Dead Doll now!!!

1. What time do you get up? Weekdays 7am for work; weekends - whenever I wake up 2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Edward E Wood (worst director ever - so bad he's brilliant) 3. Gold or silver? Silver - gold looks cheap on me 4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hidalgo 5. What is your favourite TV show? League of Gentlemen 6. What do you have for breakfast? One weetabix 7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? Margaret Thatcher 8. What/who inspires you? People who have faced real adversity and come out on top 9. What is your middle name? Anne 10.Beach, City or Country? Beach 11. Favourite ice cream? That Cadburys stuff with the chunks of choc in it 12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? Salted 13. Favourite colour? Black - its the only colour I wear 14. What kind of car do you drive? Mazda MX5 15. Favourite sandwich? Smoked chicken and roasted Mediterranean veg on ciabatta 16. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance and intolerance 17. Favourite flower? Orchids 18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Peru 19. What colour is your bathroom? Jade and white 20. Favourite day of the week? Saturday 21. What did you do for your last birthday? Champagne breakfast then up the pubs on an all dayer 22. Favourite sport to watch? Rugby League (Wakefield Wildcats - they're not bottom of the league anymore) and showjumping 23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? 24. Who do you expect to send it back first? 25. What fabric detergent do you use? Anything with colour in the name so my black stuff doesn't go that yukky faded black 26. Coke or Pepsi? Only in vodka and JD 27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl 28. What is your shoe size? 4 29. Do you have any pets? A Weimaraner bitch called Alf

Bows down in appreciation !!!! So where do we send the dosh - I didn't realise you was still collecting otherwise I'd have sorted it on Sunday. You did look very fetching huns lol

Have a great time babe. Tell us all about it when you get back yeah?

Oh no - he's gone and I never got to say goodbye!!!! Take care mate and see you soon I hope. Luv, Jez xxxx Awww bless him - lil sweetie

I don't like her either, but being the voice of reason here.......... isn't her little boy blind or something? If so, I'd say she's got whatever was coming around there. Anyway, she can't be that thick - look at all the money she's made out of being totally talentless! She can always get her boobs reduced one day but sadly I shall be stuck in a boring office until the day I retire She's still a slapper though!!!!!!!!!

Yer a know!! AND we won't have any blokes to make sure we get home OK either. I think we need a label to hang round our necks, like Paddington. "If found stumbling around in a severely inebriated state and muttering 'Where is it we live?' - please return to The Blah Blah Hotel, Room Number XXX" I don't have a natural drunkard's homing instinct in Milton Keynes yet!

My uncle owns the company that made the computer game Worms (Team 17) My mate at work's Dad is Jay Kay's gardener and he's promised to take me over and I can look at his cars (thought I'd offer him a drive of my car if I could have a drive of one of his) Have met Jay Kay in a Thai restaurant - he was picking up a takeaway Years ago when Vamps was a baby I worked for the Guiness family and I've cooked for Alan Whicker and someone called Lady Diana Spencer who lived up the road This here Lady Diana tickled Vamps under the chin and said what a lovely baby she was I've sat in a pub drinking with Irving Welsh (he wrote Trainspotting) My other half had a punk band called The Sore Willies and they once supported UK Decay My mate used to be publicist to the Rolling Stones and is still buddies with Keith Richards Same mate started up David Bowie's fan club, has worked with the Sex Pistols, The Clash, The Ramones & loads of other punk bands Me and my other half used to put on gigs for local bands and one of the bands was a then unknown Supergrass Then we started a record label and famous people who have one of our releases is Ozzy Osbourne, Mark Lamarr, Phil Jupitus and our very own Jason Voorhees I've had phone calls from Woman magazine and some Sunday paper supplement (forgotten which paper though) who were doing features on unusual weddings and wanted to feature mine cos it was a Goth wedding but I said I wasn't interested. It was bad enough being in the local paper

The clue is that they were in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and they are a person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that's all you're getting out of me! Mark Hmmmmmmm me guessing at the following peeps Orlando Bloom - Legolas Sean Bean - Boromir Viggo - that would be cool - Aragorn Christopher Lee - Saruman Bernard Hill - Theoden of Rohan Miranda Otto - or whatever her name is Eowyn David Wenham - Faramir Billy Boyd - Pippin Dominic Monoghan - Merry Elijah Wood - Frodo Cate Blanchett - Galadriel Ian Holm - Bilbo Ian McKellan - Gandalf Karl Urban - Eomer Andy Serkis - Gollum/Smeagol Marton Csokas - Celeborn Lv Tyler - Arwen Well its bound to be one of these peeps ain't it, since these are the most popular people from LOTR, lol Vamps xXx although it's not him you forgot hugo weaving. a pretty big name if you ask me. but andy serkis couldn't make c5, christopher lee hates signings, orlando bloom is to big and ian holm has a weak health so you can scap these names. aside from the hobbits it would be very possible for bernard hill- he is doing conventions or wants to do it anyways. and perhaps someone like karl urban and/or david wenham. I'm not so sure it's Bernard Hill because Mark said this person was in 'the trilogy' and BH wasn't in FOTR. Is the comment 'and that's all you're getting out of me' a clue because I've got a feeling that I've heard that before. Did Gandalf say that? Did anybody say that in fact?! Hmmmm?? (if I had a beard I'd be stroking it contemplatively now)

I didn't know they made Bud Easter Eggs!!! I want an Easter Egg that you can get drunk on too!!!

Vamps and I are still not giving up on our campaign to get Viggo to a Collectormania!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Showmasters, don't take no for an answer - keep bugging him until he gets so p'd off he says yes just to shut you up!!!!!! Otherwise we shall have to resort to our original plan of kidnap (actually...... might try that anyway - I know just where to keep him

I think this has been doing the rounds for ages, but just in case anybody has missed it.............. Dear Technical Support 18 months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeS*xPlus and Cleanhouse2003. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi A3 hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself. Any ideas?

One to stay away from when I eventually get broadband then!! Thanks for the warning Houdinia - hope you get sorted soon.

I am wasted, but not from serious consumption of budweiser, god I can smell it, it wants me to buy it and drink it!!!! JEZ....................... please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL see my previous post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ps - I'm not up for the slave auction so you'll have to find someone else!!!!!!!!!!1

Fffffffffffffffff with 2 fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've only just come online so I aint going nowhere yet. Anyway, its Friday!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

I've got Viggo on my work's pc, but I vary the pic all the time. Currently it's one like my avvy with blonde hair but I got one of him lying around in a river looking well horny!!! On my lappie I've got Monkeh (ITV Digital) in Star Wars costume with a light sabre.

I'm so totally p****d off now. For some bizarre reason all day yesterday I'd got it into my head that it was Easter this weekend, and I was thinking 'Yay!!!! Long weekend, no work Friday and Monday!!' Then today I realised it wasn't for another 2 weeks yet

Are you poorly??? Hope you get well soon Houdi xx

I hate Mondays, being back at work - it's soooooooooooooo depressing Hope this cheers y'all up a bit anyway Maharishi Fattifatb*st*rd’s Guide to Zen Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f*ck off and leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk and newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. Remember, no-one is listening until you fart Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else. If you think nobody cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage repayments. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our spam. From there on life gets worse