Derek & Clive

Clive - How about Derek and Clive Get the Horn?

Derek - (In pervy voice) You don't have to. The Horn will find you. Clive - Bring some figs

Derek - I bet its the Horn

horn

Clive - Joan Crawford.

Clive - Let's see a caption for this then you ****!

Derek - Why has this bloke swallowed a length of electrical cable?

Derek - I just get the Horn then they get nervous

Derek - I'm, going to have the Horn all day just waiting for their announcement

sandwich

Derek - Ukelilie Lover? I prefer Double Bass myself

Derek - Tell us where oh where is my Horn?

Clive - Just announce the guest already. I need to go for a ****

Derek - Oh listen to her. I'll scratch her eyes out Clive - She has no knowledge of the Horn Derek.

Derek - I don't believe those ***** have deleted my Horn again Clive - Better go round and beat them to death with it then

Clive - They might invite the Barking Toad Derek - Is it the Barking & Romford Toad? Clive - No it's not called the Barking Toad cos it lives in Barking, it's called the Barking Toad cos it goes Woof!

Clive - Zula - Afro Whores II

Clive - Happy Birthday from Derek and me. Derek - I hope you get the Horn for your birthday, and some figs.

Derek - I'm very moist. Moist in my nether regions. Clive - Is it warm down south? Derek - Oh very warm, and a bit wet too. Bit boggy you might say.

Derek - bosom

Clive - That's because they have no knowledge of the horn. You see they've never had the horn, they are hornless. They probably get excited over opening a packet of figs and then its all over. Derek - I like the horn, it makes me feel all light headed Clive - No thats the excessive amounts of alcohol that you've been dumping down your stubby little neck Derek - Alcohol gives me the horn Clive - Really? Well it gives me the droops.

Derek - I've got too much time on my hands Clive - I've got too many hairs on my hands, and not just the back of them too

Derek - Oh no, oh no. Clive - Whats the matter with you, you stupid ****? Derek - They deleted my horn. I'm hornless. Clive - You know why that was don't you? Derek - No why? Clive - They were frightened that you were gonna go round their house and beat em to death with the horn. Derek - I would too. I shall beat them to death with the ******* horn!

Derek - Jar Jar Binks gives me the horn

Clive - Who are you and what have you done with the horn?