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Summat to Cheer U UP


Jezebel
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I hate Mondays, being back at work - it's soooooooooooooo depressing :spidy:

 

Hope this cheers y'all up a bit anyway

 

Maharishi Fattifatb*st*rd’s Guide to Zen

 

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f*ck off and leave me alone.

 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

 

The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk and newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

 

Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

 

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart

 

Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

 

If you think nobody cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage repayments.

 

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

 

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

 

Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 

There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

 

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our spam. From there on life gets worse

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