Dent_1 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I have mates always offering me hugs and I tell them where to go in no uncertain terms! Some people are just not into hugs. A guest is a stranger no matter how much you may like them and for me, hugs imply a certain familiarity/intimacy between two people and I wouldn't dream of asking a stranger for a hug, nor would I want one. I always wonder hypothetically how I would deal with fans if I were a guest at these events and I reckon I'd end up being the notorious one with bad feedback who did photoshoots in chairs a metre apart! Then again someone who isn't big on contact might grin and bear it for their fans who have paid to meet them - but what do you do when the fan who 'hums' wants to wrap their arms around you? *shudder* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaspa44 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Thank you all for your replies, I am going to share a little bit more as it was the way he handled it rather than him not wanting to. I was the first in the regular queue just golds in front of me so did not have a lot of time to judge how he was with others I went up and said "am I allowed a hug" he did not hear me at first so asked again and he went ""a hug no way my wife would kill me" and started to laugh and put his hand up. I know he has a weird sense of humor so part of me thought he was joking and in that split second put my hand up too then he put his hand back down and mine was then left there in limbo so paniced and just left my hand there in front of us not actually touching him. After the shot I ran off and he turned to the others in the line and said "I said no and she still did it, I have an agenda" but he was really playing to the crowd and felt like he just really wanted to show me up. I got round the other side of the wall and was practically in tears when I heard the crowd fall about laughing. My husband was next in line and he had just said to him "oh that was my wife" so he went "oh was it we will show her" and gave him the biggest hug. He has a fantastic photo with him but because of how it happened and the fact I got so upset he can't really enjoy it so spoilt the day for both of us If he had just said to me quietly sorry I don't do that I would have been fine and got a better experience, it is the way he handled it and made it all about him and got everyone around us envolved that upset me and has lowered my opinion of him. I know it was partly my fault for still putting my hand up but as I said in that split second everything was a blur and I paniced as I thought he went to put his hand up too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I got several hugs off Robert knepper over the weekend but only on the condition I called them cuddles cause he really liked my accent. So much so that he stopped me in the hall when he was walking about to ask me to say it again . Both of us were in stitches in the photoshoot cause of it. I try and meet the guest before the photoshoots to tryvand work out the type.of person they are. Alex was lovely I got two massive hugs of her at her request and my Karen one she's bent over hugging me because I'm so short lol . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persephone1 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 If the actor is who I rather think it is from your description he has a very sardonic sense of humour and a straight talking way about him which people could take offense too. It was an awkward moment - life is sadly made up of them and while you're very upset about it at the moment everyone watching will already have forgotten about it. Don't take it to heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dent_1 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Who are we talking about here? Geuniunely interested to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenGreen Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I normally take the lead from the guest, but I did ask Keeley Hawes at her photoshoot a couple of years ago if it was o.k. if I put my arm around her for the picture. She was really pleased that I had asked if it was o.k. and gave the impression that many other attendees hadn't even bothered to ask and that she wished they had before flinging themselves on her ! My all time personal favourite though was a photoshoot I once had with Morena Baccarin in the days before digital cameras and films had to be changed ! Morena had already put her arm around me , so we were there for some time before the new role of film had been put in ! I was actually really surprised and was so embarassed I had trouble making much conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicky Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) I always come out with "Can I be cheeky and have a hug please?" it's not failed me yet, thank goodness!! That's a great way to ask for the hug. Edited July 11, 2011 by nicky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmicAvatar Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 If he had just said to me quietly sorry I don't do that I would have been fine and got a better experience, it is the way he handled it and made it all about him and got everyone around us envolved that upset me and has lowered my opinion of him. I know it was partly my fault for still putting my hand up but as I said in that split second everything was a blur and I paniced as I thought he went to put his hand up too.... Oh, gosh, I'd have been mortified too. Sometimes we just read things wrongly and sometimes guests react badly. I'm not sure why the guest was happy to hug your husband and not you (wife comments aside), but maybe he was taken by surprise and made a bad job of covering it up. Don't let it put you off for future. I don't ask for hugs often, but every time I've done thus far I've had a lovely experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieannboo Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) it sounds very sexist but you are more likely to get a hug if you are a female fan. Edited July 11, 2011 by julieannboo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalie Vanstone Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Okay... So I had always been too nervous to ask for a hug, but at last years EMS I just HAD to ask Cary Elwes if I could have a cuddle. I actually think I said "Can I be cheeky and have a cuddle please?" Cary had no problems and after that I was away! I hugged pretty much every guest! There were a couple of exceptions, one being Mercedes McNab, but she was very ill and we had been pre-warned she wouldn't be touching people. This year at LFCC I only had 3 shoots, Corey Feldman (Sunday), Mark Sheppard (Sunday) and Camille Coduri (Saturday) I had a double shoot with Camille with a friend and she was arms round our waists, Mark said I could hug him but he didn't really hug back but Corey? WOWZERS! I was the first, maybe second person behind the Gold Pass guys, and I went in all shy (for me) and very quietly asked - "Can I please have a hug?" To which he went, "Yeah! Come on!" and MAJORLY squished me!!! I don't think I have had a better squish, except for maybe Paul McGann (Who gives LEGENDARY squishes!) The only thing that would have made my Corey shoot better was if he had taken off his glasses, but as I understand it, it was his birthday weekend, so I totally get why he still had them on!! If in doubt as to whether a guest will hug you, just ask, but always be polite. I have never had a guest I asked say no to a hug. Maybe I just got lucky? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookies41 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I'm really sorry you had a bad experience Thankfully all mine have been great - usually I judge what others have been doing - like another person said Kai was hugging everyone and my first photoshoot with me he pulled me into this massive bear hug and the picture came out great! I did think about asking Karen for a hug but chickened out at the last minute but the photo is a great one! I did ask Mark for a hug and he said "oh sure" He didnt really put both arms around me but i tentatively put my arms around him and he was like "No" and grabbed me arm to hug him more. I ended up having two photos taken and he commented on how that was a long hug, and thanked me. I went off with a big grin and was quite happy. But like others have said, I usually judge on guests body language. The majority of guests are obliging for hugs so dont let this experience knock your confidence for asking others Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzy88 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) OP - from what you've said in your further elaboration it sounds like the guest may be more comfortable with male fans than female - it could simply come down to that, or maybe they were out of their comfort zone in the shoot or not feeling too good so used humour to cover it up, albeit at what sounds like your expense. Or they may have just not known how to reply, especially if they're not often asked for hugs or haven't done many cons - and panicked. Also, being so close to the front might have meant they weren't into the swing of the shoot yet. Did you see any golds get hugs? If not, your question could have thrown him. Try not to take it personally, as it most likely wasn't meant that way. And congrats for getting up the courage to ask in the first place, even though it didn't turn out how you would have liked, maybe you'll be luckier another time. EDIT: my mum isn't good at asking for hugs as she gets very nervous around people she likes, so whenever we both have a shoot I go first - because I'm perfectly happy to ask for hugs, and she can see whether I get one or not - if I do, she simply comes along after me and asks for 'the same as her' - which has worked well for her so far as what the guest does with me sets a precedent. Edited July 11, 2011 by lizzy88 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaspa44 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 To be honest I have been trying all ways to defend him myself and have gone through all the things said on here but keep coming to the same conclusion he didn't need to broadcast the event so everyone could hear he could have been descrete about it to save embarrasment on both sides. It is not as though he hasn't done many conventions he has done A LOT so must have come across this situation before. When he hugged my husband and said "this will show her" it seemed to both of us like he was doing it out of spite and was really not called for. To be honest too he wasn't that nice when I got my auto from him on Friday night either, again he really chatted to my husband, then came my turn. I am one of those people that are too shy to talk to guests and get really flustered but again as I held this guy in high regard I forced myself to try and talk to him but he just blanked me, even though he chatted loads to everyone else in the queue before me, both men and women. It is upsetting to finally meet your idols only to have a bad experience especially when everyone else on here seems to have had a good one I didn't really want to say who it was I but as I now feel extremely paranoid that it was something I did, I would be interested to know if anybody else had a bad experience with him as I have only heard good so far. It was Brent Spiner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
del-boy Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 i asked sandahl bergman for a hug right at the end on the sunday,and i got a huge hug and a kiss,so i came away very happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockstar6662 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 It's nice for those that want that kind of thing that they mostly seem to get it. I'm not sure it's me but if the guest initiates something, then great as Lea Thompson did. Didn't have any say in the matter, her arm was round me before I'd even stopped moving. lol. Just had a look back over my photos and it appears I missed Karens waist and my hand is a little bit higher than I maybe intended it to be. Nothing inappropriate but not what I really intended. But I was a bit flustered by the whole thing which isn't like me at all. I even forgot to hide my gold pass. Doh! But I'm not sure if I'd actually ask for a hug. Obviously some don't mind but I'm very senstive about people's personal space etc and I do feel it's a little odd with someone you don't know. Nice if it happens though but for now I think I'll let the guest and those in front dictate what is appropriate (and be a bit more careful where my hand ends up in future ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dent_1 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) To be honest I have been trying all ways to defend him myself and have gone through all the things said on here but keep coming to the same conclusion he didn't need to broadcast the event so everyone could hear he could have been descrete about it to save embarrasment on both sides. It is not as though he hasn't done many conventions he has done A LOT so must have come across this situation before. When he hugged my husband and said "this will show her" it seemed to both of us like he was doing it out of spite and was really not called for. To be honest too he wasn't that nice when I got my auto from him on Friday night either, again he really chatted to my husband, then came my turn. I am one of those people that are too shy to talk to guests and get really flustered but again as I held this guy in high regard I forced myself to try and talk to him but he just blanked me, even though he chatted loads to everyone else in the queue before me, both men and women. It is upsetting to finally meet your idols only to have a bad experience especially when everyone else on here seems to have had a good one I didn't really want to say who it was I but as I now feel extremely paranoid that it was something I did, I would be interested to know if anybody else had a bad experience with him as I have only heard good so far. It was Brent Spiner Somehow I knew it would be Brent Spiner! There was a thread on here (which seems to have disappeared) about Brent whipping out a hand sanitiser after an attendee did the 'knuckle-knock', on their way out from the shoot the fan turned to see this and was mortified. Hilarious! As I said in that thread he was discussing hand santizers with me and the fan in front when I was getting his autograph. In fact he shook hands with the fan in front, the fan then coughed, and Brent immeadiately used the sanitizer and explained how he always gets ill after these events. To be honest he does come across as 'clean freak' and he is not keen on bodily contact of any sort with the public. To be honest I was shocked he put my arm round my shoulder in the photoshoot but figured he was doing it (read: grinning and bearing it) for his fans who had paid to meet him, which I though was a kind gesture when it probably made him uncomfortable. With regards to the "wife would kill me" comment, he was chatting up my girlfriend at the autograph desk so I don't think he was too bothered on that score! He was obviously using the comment to deflect having to offend you with something like: "I'd rather not touch you as much as is possible." I mean how you would feel if he's said something like that? You've come away thinking less of him, when in reality he was trying to spare your feelings. Once your hubby said you were his wife, the way I read it, Brent probably was feeling a bit guilty so was trying in some small way to make up for not hugging you (I very much doubt he wanted to hug your husband either). As for the comment he made, it was only an attempt to diffuse what he probably also felt was an awkward situation. And he always plays up to the audience - he's a very good showman. As for him being less talkative to you at the autograph table, when I met him a few years ago, I thought he seemed a little reserved/aloof but still good so expected the same again. This time he was much more engaging, but I think that was because I threw a little more at him that got him talking, whereas before I really didn't have much to say. I'm glad you told us it was Brent, becuase I'm absolutely positive it is nothing you have done. He really is genuinely eccentric and just doesn't like a lot of physical contact with fans so I really would not worry about it. I hope this makes you feel a bit better about meeting him helps calrify some of his arguably 'odd' behaviour! Edited July 11, 2011 by Dent_1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaspa44 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I really do appreciate your comments but then this goes back to my original point even more when I said if the guest does not like physical contact then we should be told either by the crew member taking the tickets or a sign up saying no hugs or something to that effect. And again it would have hurt my feelings less if he had just whispered no sorry I dont do hugs instead of making it a public affair and envolving the rest of the room. Maybe he did that so nobody else would ask but in doing so left me feeling like rubbish... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dent_1 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I think it all boils down a bit of a communication breakdown between you and Brent but thats life - it happens. I think it is very hard to be diplomatic in situations like these and I think there is no easy way to turn a fan down request like this. I agree it would be nice if Showmasters could forewarn people about certain guest preferences (Brent's are no secret) but then again a guest may be hesitant to inform the organisers of any specific rules as being told 'no touching' etc. may make him look the bad guy/unreceptive in the eyes of fans. He may rather just play it by ear. To be honest the whole scenario sounds like a little goof, hopefully you'll look back and find it funny (which it sort of was) as I very much doubt anyone there thought you looked stupid or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmicAvatar Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Oh, no! I had a great experience with Brent; I'm so sorry things went south in your case. I don't know if you read elsewhere, but he went for the sanitizer just before my shoot and I couldn't help thinking it was because he'd seen me coming! (Or perhaps it was the fan before me, I don't know.) Either way, he did his best to spare my blushes by saying he'd done it because he wanted to be at his best for me, really and was definitely playing to the crowd a bit, so I can see why he tried to do the same with you. Such a shame it fell flat on that occasion. A warning might have been helpful, but then, the staff can't always anticipate this kind of thing - they definitely warn people when they know. But again, please don't let it put you off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 At one of the eclipse conventions we were told no hand shakes when the sars was a big thing so sm do let people know when guests are uncomfortable normally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinkyKnights Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 To be honest the whole scenario sounds like a little goof... Sounds like it to me, too. Social embarrassment gone awry - we've all been there. Someone reacts to someone else in a way that they hope will make things better, only to find it makes things worse, because the other person reacts to their reaction in a way they hadn't anticipated, and it spirals, with each new reaction piling on the cringe factor. It feels bad enough when it happens in the supermarket. When it happens at a signing event with someone you're a fan of, it can take a while to shake off. But I hope you can, kaspa44. Reading this thread, I honestly don't think that Brent meant to embarrass you - it does sound like one of those situations where someone is trying to claw themselves out of embarrassment, only to dig themselves further in. He's probably having worse flashbacks than you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericsdonor Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I always come out with "Can I be cheeky and have a hug please?" it's not failed me yet, thank goodness!! That's a great way to ask for the hug. Ha ha it's always worked so far, the time it doesn't is when I shall create another cheeky way of asking!!! it sounds very sexist but you are more likely to get a hug if you are a female fan. To be honest as a woman I do tend to ask the male guests more ( I just like to cop a good feel!!!! ), in fact now I think about I don't think I've asked any of the female guests but if they initiate it then I go with the flow!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Mundi Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 If Brent has a bad immune system and often get ill following a convention, then I think we should just be glad he still wants to do them and meet his fans. I met him Friday, and the one in front of me also extended his hand to say thanks. Brent then did the fist clash as he explained he wasn't to happy about the touching. So when it was my turn and I had gotten my autograph, then I just said thanks and went on and at the photo shoot I didn't even expect him to do any sort of touching, so when I saw him putting his arm on the shoulder of the attendee, then I just copied that with him. And since Brent prefers to try and awoid getting ill after a convention (who wouldn't?), then I am very sure OP has nothing to do with it. I think he was just rying to defuse an awkard situation. I know it is difficult, but you shouldn't let it get to you, try asking again next time - to someone else of couse. Both Lea Thompson and Sandahl Bergman gave me great hugs because they remembered me from earlier. I had photo shoot with Lea Thompson both days and both days she gave me a hug before I did anything. Sandahl Bergman remembered me from the day before. I was number three in her queue and the first two just got the arm on shoulder, but when she saw me she gave me a big hug. She did generally give hugs to fans at her esk, so no biggie there. This time I also asked for a hug for the first time. The person I asked was Vivica A. Fox. I had met her first time Friday and then when I met her again at her photo shoot Saturday, she remembered me by name. I don't think my name is particular memorable so I was a little impressed and as such went to buy a ticket for the Sunday photo shoot and here I vaguely asked her for a hug which she happily accepted. It could be interesting to know if anyone after me also got hugs from her on Sunday. I didn't notice how many other (if any) had hugging photos with her when I looked for my photo. Also didn't notice if there had been any hugging photos with her Saturday. Anyway, to get back on track for OP, then you should just try again next time there is a guest you would like a hug from. Guests are only human and it may be just as awkward for them to be asked as it is for you to ask - even if they do get asked by several people. Don't let it knock you down if they say no. But maybe try not to get in that situation again of not knowing where to place your hands. If they say no, just say ok and copy what they then do next - hand on shoulder/hand on waist/handshake/whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreximgirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I use the 'Can I be cheeky' line too or sometimes just Would it be okay if I hugged you? Never failed so far. I do it with the male and female stars. Best one was Torri Higginson who said "Of course but only if it's a good tight one" - she was fab and really did give a lovely hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaspa44 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I do know we were both trying to make the best out of a bad situation but unfortunately I am really sensative and take everything to heart which is why I NEVER normally do anything like this. Star Trek means a lot to me especially TNG as I went through a really bad patch in my life when this was aired and it just took me out of reality for a bit and I really connected with the data character. This and going to Star Trek conventions, I believe really saved my life, I know this sounds dramatic but it did. I know the cast are only actors playing roles and they are just human but they do effect us and our lives which is why we want to meet them so when things go a bit pear-shaped it stays with us for a long time. I will get over it, don't think I will ever look back on it and think it is funny but I am sure I will move on and hopefully will not let it effect me in the future. I have never asked for a hug before but like some other posts I have had guests hug me and loved it which is why I decided ask Brent, the first was Michael Shanks, what a lovely guy, gave me such a big hug, and most recently Levar Burton which made me go weak and so made my weekend (MK last Month). So I won't let it stop me having photos but will really try and research the guest before hand to see how they are with contact and watch people in front of me in future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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