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Tippin

The Very Secret Diary of Lucius Malfoy

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The Very Secret Diary of Lucius Malfoy, based upon the events of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

 

- Decided today that needed a change of scenery – after all green, black and silver are so fifty years ago and the dust bunnies have begun to become more vicious – walked in yesterday and one had Draco by the throat. Heard Azkaban was under new management – Big Lord V (as he now wishes to be called) sent me to investigate. Heard have implemented new colour scheme – red and gold seems to be the way to the future.

 

- Got caught by ministry snooping around Skegness airport enroute to Azkaban – took a wrong turn at a roundabout near Bog Regis or maybe it was Swindon – must remember to tell Big Lord V to employee roundabout designers in war against Dumbledore and muggles. Ministry claimed Skegness doesn’t have an airport, so sent me promptly to Azkaban: Skegness – I didn’t know it was part of a chain now.

 

- Azkaban definitely part of chain – dementors no longer in charge – instead it’s the redcoats…no the T.A. haven’t taken over, would have been much better if they had – instead ministry have sold out to Butlins. Am sure I saw H from Steps running around.

Décor a disappointment – is in fact pink and gold and it’s not even Valentine’s Day! Think Snape must have been here first.

 

- Have decided Butlins must be destroyed – not only did they steal my comb, take my wand and force me not to ponce around but to add insult to serious and grievous injury – they have taken my conditioner – can feel hair tangling already.

Saw small person vaguely reminiscent of Dobby – called me Legolas – started talking about a ring and elves and a volcano…must remember to lock up all valuables around houseelves and check my ring collection is still in tact. Asked Dobby wannabe to iron my robes – went off skipping singing about a Green Dragon…must have been at the Triwizard Tournament in the fourth book.

 

- Post Day. Got five! Yay me! One from school Governors telling me been relieved of all responsibility of being governor as have been arrested…Butlins has got a lot to answer for! Letter from Draco boasting about being youngest Death Eater ever – stupid jumped up git – be the youngest dead Death Eater too if he’s not careful. One from Snape asking if liked décor – Smarmy greasy haired git – must remember to send him killer white dust bunny if has been detached from Draco’s neck. International Death Eaters monthly newsletter not as colourful as used to be and death threats against St. Potter are definitely missing. Last letter from Cissy – told her about conditioner problem, told me was time to get a haircut anyway – told her Draco was a dead man walking – said she didn’t mind as long as he took Snape and Potter with him…I added Butlins to the list.

Dobby wannabes been multiplying – another one came up to me and asked how my archery was going and whether I could still ponce on snow – told him I could ponce anywhere but Butlins’ dance floor – gave him cane to polish.

 

- Thought I saw Wood today (that boy really needs a girlfriend) but it was just a tree. Have successfully taken over Azkaban: Skegness aka Butlins with army of four Dobby wannabes – who knew they carried swords.

In other news, Dumbledore dead – still unknown who has left sherbet lemons too – don’t think it’s Snape though.

Edited by Tippin

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The question is - is it better than Tom Riddle's diary?

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LOL, wicked!

Don't get a haircut, Lucius!!! And what a terrifying idea... Butlins...

Small possible nitpick... in the second line, did you mean viscous or vicious?

Love it!

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Oh, Caz, looks so much better in type, lol. I am posting my first time on here, yay me. Thankies for reading to me earlier, what did you do, type it all out as soon as you got in!? tres fast. Am thinking of applying to join the Tippin Apprication Society, but would that be Right (thinks). Can't wait til Gmex, (wonders if I should dress up... if i do, what should i go as, since no prior costume planning hmmm???)

Oh What to do... VSD superb as always, have just read several of the others in quick succession, am laughing as I type. See ya asap. Amy.

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Oh, Caz, looks so much better in type, lol. I am posting my first time on here, yay me. Thankies for reading to me earlier, what did you do, type it all out as soon as you got in!? tres fast. Am thinking of applying to join the Tippin Apprication Society, but would that be Right (thinks). Can't wait til Gmex, (wonders if I should dress up... if i do, what should i go as, since no prior costume planning hmmm???)

Oh What to do... VSD superb as always, have just read several of the others in quick succession, am laughing as I type. See ya asap. Amy.

922390[/snapback]

 

DUDE! XD dudes Amy - Amy ma Dudes! Lizzi, is one of MADS that found out is coming to G-mex!

 

I typed it up before I read it to ya dude lol XD

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LOL, wicked!

Don't get a haircut, Lucius!!! And what a terrifying idea... Butlins...

Small possible nitpick... in the second line, did you mean viscous or vicious?

Love it!

922320[/snapback]

 

I never said I could Spell XD

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LMFAO !!! i've read this before and i loved it then and i still do now, hahahaha good stuff Tippin. Btw how are you?

xxx

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I'm good dude - I know I've been MIA for a while though had lead role in a play that finished not too long ago and just before we started the run I took up jitsu so my time sort just evaporated what with working full time too! Just about to come to the end of the play season though so I should have time opening up again so I can come back a bit lol!

 

However looks like lfcc may be sacrificed for my jitsu grading lol

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Brilliant. So enjoyed reading it again. I think its on par with Tom's diary.

 

*note to everyone* Will NOT be getting a haircut.

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Ah I'm glad you guys enjoyed it!

 

I am trying to better it with the Very Secret Diary of Bob but unfortunately I still have like no time at the moment! Just taken up another collaboration on a new novel as well as sorting myself out for going to Uni and going to work and jitsu! Even without the play I still have no time! lol

 

I'm glad that it hasn't lost any of it's comedy with re-reading XD

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